This is what gaining a lot of weight real fast looks like. I think I’m too honest

I’ve spoken about the little hard time that’s been going down this side lately. Things are getting a teensy bit better and more positive now (gets on hands and knees. kisses the ground) but for a while there it was pretty kak. The thing with me is that when I am sad, I try eat my way out of it.  After a few weeks / months I’ve managed to eat my way out of my entire wardrobe. Wearing the same skirt every day is not pretty guys – also not hygienic. I got to a point where I didn’t want to see friends or go out. Sure I am not a huge gal, but I weigh the same now as I did when I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. I went from weighing around 55kg in varsity to about 60 kg (I am 1.75m tall) after my babas. Fair enough. My weight usually fluctuates between 60 and 65kg which is totally normal and comfortable for me!

I am a pretty healthy gal – I love salads, veg, fruit… don’t really like meat. Listen don’t get me wrong, I can pack a kfc box meal away without blinking, but I generally eat well. I don’t know, somewhere over the past few months I just started expanding in every direction and eating everything I saw to try and… I don’t know… have more energy, feel better, feel happier or emotionally full instead of physically full. 

There is nothing ‘wrong’ with being average, medium, slightly overweight or even a little bit larger. This is obviously normal. I have only been really thin for a few months at a time, as my weight fluctuates a lot. As long as you are healthy and comfortable with your body, you are BEAUTIFUL. If you suddenly start gaining buckets of weight really fast, then I think you need to do something about it. My BMI is currently 24. I am supposed to be between 57-76 kg to maintain a healthy weight, so I am at my maximum I should be. We have heart problems and cholesterol issues in our family, so it’s really important for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle, weight and diet. Calculate your BMI  as above super quickly here to see if your weight is healthy for your height and gender. I am comfortable gaining weight, I am just really uncomfortable that if I gain any more weight, I will be medically classified as OVERWEIGHT and I’m not even 30 yet and this scares the hell out of me. 

Then I tried to fix it. I started running, drinking loads of water, stopped drinking red bull, went on little hikes and walks and started skipping again. But then in the dead of night you’d find me elbow-deep in the refrigerator, looking for solutions. Guys I didn’t even know how bad it was until literally NONE of my clothes fit me anymore and I realised I needed help. This is what I looked like (left to right) about a year before I had Noah (leg shot) ; about a year after I had Noah (bikini shot) and ; about a year after I had Benjamin (beach shot). Look there is a gradual increase which is normal after kids and with age, but this jump is like… the worst thing that’s ever happened in the history of humanity.

So I went to the doctor on Wednesday. I was fine, and I was completely ready with my speech to ask for slimming tablets. I am not the sort of gal that messes around with over the counter things, or anything herbal in any way. I want the hard stuff, the stuff you went to med school for – and I want lots of it. Immediately. As you can imagine, getting hard core slimming tablets from these guys is extremely difficult because to be fair SLIMMING TABLETS ARE BAD FOR YOU. I know they are. And I would probably have left with a lecture and a slap on the wrist… until I weighed myself on HIS scale during my examination. Lol. Remember when I weighed around 60kg? When I started gaining weight (where I could still manage it and wear my own clothes) I was at an all-time un-pregnant high of 67kg. My soul puked and burnt alive as I read my new, updated number.

“Doctor I know slimming tablets are bad for you. I KNOW. I have tried everything. I just need like five. Can you give me five? Okay one. I really just need one day to stop eating – maybe I just need to shrink my stomach back to size? Look this is getting worse. I am getting STRETCH MARKS for god’s sake *lifts shirt exposing old pregnancy stretch mark* and I um… I feel sick, yes – sick. Maybe this food is making me sick and uhm… SAD I feel sad. If I am thin I will be UN-sad. And um… look can I just have five pills? I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN” (right here you need to pull the ‘I need you’ face)

I remember that something called Thins used to be on the market. Look me in the eyeball and tell me you didn’t use Thins or something similar for 24 hour cramming during matric finals? Try me. That stuff is basically pseudo-ephedrine which is basically meth. Fun times. Apparently Thins is NOT on the market anymore unless you like tik. Doctor jokingly pointed in the direction of Obs’ dodgiest street and said I can get some tik there. I totally, totally considered it for 2.7 seconds because at this point I will just get fatter until I start losing the remote control in my tummy rolls. After he had a good laugh about Thins (and phoned our local pharmacist to reminisce and have another good chat and laugh about Thins) (apparently medical professionals do not like this stuff) he started scribbling on a piece of paper and my head was just going “Dear god don’t let it be a herb. Don’t let it be a natural remedy. I’ve JUST got my wardrobe to a good place”

“Look I am only giving you enough for TWO WEEKS. They have a broken pack at “xyz” pharmacy. TWO WEEKS. You will never, ever EVER get a script for these from me again. This is the only, and last time.” Like honestly, it was like he was actually giving me heroin. I know these things are not good for you, I really do. He didn’t give me anything buzzy or weird, but he prescribed some good old appetite suppressants. I feel completely fine – a teensy bit more energetic, although I expect that all the over-eating made me quite sluggish and messed with my blood sugar or something. Honestly though: my appetite is gone. I have a healthy breakfast, then take a capsule. That is the last time I think about food until about 4pm or sometimes not again at all that day. I have the kids here, so when I am preparing their meals I remember to eat something. Instead of eating 2 – 4 slices of toast with loads of butter and cheese, I now grab like a peach or cut up some pineapple or something. My body is not craving anything because it is not letting me feel hunger. IT’S AMAZING.

I am NOT endorsing appetite suppressants. If you read my blog you know that I have honestly tried everything. This has been eating at me (lololol or I have been eating IT) for months. By the time I tried to turn it around I had done too much damage. I am hoping that these next two weeks will give me a little boost. I am eating healthy and smaller portions. I’m getting back to my skip rope and walks. Loads of water, fresh home made rooibos iced tea. Lots of rest, more sleep, less stress. Buckets of fruit and vegetables. Nuts, grains, salads, sprouts – all of it. I have already started losing weight since Wednesday.

Oh it’s 7:30am now. This new energy thing means that I’ve woken up before my kids for a few days now  – which is the most bizarre thing that’s ever happened in this house. I’m gonna go wake the boys up and give their toes a tickle. Look I know I am not FAT and I am not one of those “omg I have gained 5kg and now everyone must die” girls. Somewhere along the line, about 15kg has crept / been fed in to me. Loads of hard work coming up, but here is my motivation. This friends, is what 75kg looks like, taken this morning – Sunday 15 December, 7:00am. I will take the next photo in same position & location on Sunday 29 December. How’s that thigh gap girls? Marilyn didn’t have these problems.